Around the World In a Daze

I like to travel. I don't do it nearly enough, and I did almost too much of it at one of my previous jobs, but, sometimes, I miss it. I've only been out of the country to visit Mexico, Canada and Puerto Rico, but, I planned on experiencing as many different countries as I could in one day. Yep, you read that right. But, I'd need to have my energy.

So, I started at breakfast.

So, I broke out the China. It began innocently enough, what with the French toast and English Muffins. I thought about making Belgian waffles or maybe just grabbing a Danish, but decided against it. I threw down a slab of Canadian bacon and washed it down with an Irish Coffee.

Yeah, I boozed at breakfast. Actually, there wasn't any whiskey in there - or Scotch. I just wanted to show how cool I was to emulate Hemingway. It was a Virgin - just regular Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee

After breakfast, I got dressed. I put on my Bermuda shorts, Hawaiian shirt and Panama hat and hopped in the car. I turned on the radio and there was a song called "Final Countdown" by the old hair metal band, Europe, playing, I changed the station, but found even more uninteresting music - "Heat Of the Moment" by Asia, "Horse With No Name" by America and "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors. I put in a CD and sang along with George Harrison's "Bangladesh."

I pulled into the parking lot of the video store. I was looking for something I haven't seen, which is tough to do since I'm such a movie freak. In the bargain bin, they had a bunch of movies for $5.99: Brazil, Salvador, Congo and - get this - Lawrence of Arabia. What an excellent film! What the hell was that doing in the bargain bin? I gave away my old VHS copy so I decided to buy it.

I returned to the car, stopped, and looked at the sky. It was a beautiful day, so I decided to go for a long drive in the valley. I turned on the CD player and sang along with Steve Winwood's "Spanish Dancer," The Psychedelic Furs's "India" and "Anarchy in the U.K." by The Sex Pistols. Yeah, I roll like that.

It was a little past noon and my stomach was growling, so I pulled into the parking lot of a deli. There were Girl Scouts selling cookies, so I bought a box of Samoas. Once inside, I thought about getting a Polish sausage sandwich, but, even though I was hungry, I didn't want all that grease. So, I settled on a nice turkey sandwich with Lebanon bologna and Swiss cheese on Italian bread (naturally). I got it to go.

On the way out, I ran into an old friend of mine, Chad Danner. He couldn't talk long because he was rushing to get a Swedish massage. But, I already had my day planned, so I held firm, like the Rock of Gibraltar. But, oh man, I could go for one now.

Besides, I was already thinking about my date with Jordan this weekend. She's an absolute doll. She moved up from Georgia. She's smart, too, which I dig, She graduated with a Masters degree from Columbia. She's into jazz - big Chick Corea fan. Well, it's not really a date. More like a "meet up." We'll probably go Dutch. And hey, I want her to know I am well-traveled.

I drove home, singing Toto's "Africa," and much to my embarrassment, "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangles. But, wouldn't you know it - my favorite bar was on the way. So, I pulled into the parking lot, walked into the bar and ordered a Singapore Sling. James Taylor's "Mexico" was on the jukebox. I wasn't planning to tie one on, so I looked at the menu out of habit. Wow, the Welsh Rarebit looked good. I know I had a sandwich in the car, but, I figured I can always put it in the fridge next to the kiwis and that decadent piece of German chocolate cake. I used my better judgment and thought maybe I could take my date - excuse me - "meet up" - this weekend.

So, I went home, completely destroyed my sandwich. I turned on The Cartoon Network and watched an episode of Hong Kong Phooey while puffing on a nice Cuban cigar. It was getting a little chilly, so I pulled the afghan over my shoulders. It was a rough day, traveling the globe without leaving the United States. Even still, I haven't even scratched the surface of hitting EVERY country. But I will.

I never start something I can't finish.

(There are over 50 references - I counted 56 - to different foreign countries after the first paragraph. And, no, Hawaii doesn't count. Can you find them all?)