Legacy

I am going to do something a little different here. Basically, everything I have written here has been off the top of my head - unedited and unmodified - except for a few spelling corrections. The entry below was written by me seven or eight years ago. This was before I found Dear Abby, Ann Landers, Erma Bombeck or anyone else had a similar entry in the paper. It was also before I ever saw Fight Club (if you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean). Of course, I've never seen or read the book, either.

This was something I wrote when I deconstructed myself in my early 30s. I was not happy about a lot of things and embarked on a journey to remake myself in a way to ensure I was truly happy and not what I thought happiness was. It was a grueling, difficult process, but the effort has paid off thousands of times over. So, I am reprinting this piece here, although I have never publicly shared it outside of a few emails I sent those many years ago. Like all things here, I have not edited it, save for breaking up the one big paragraph into more easily digestible sentence groups. If you can find even one sentence that makes you stop and think, this entire effort would have been worth it, and even if you don't, it was worth it to me. I hope you enjoy it.

An open letter to the children I may never have:

I hope that you grow up healthy and happy. I don't care how much money you will make, how popular you will be, or how you will reflect upon me. You have a great big world of wonder in which to carve out your own personal happiness. I have worked hard all of my life to provide a life for you that I did not have for myself. I may not have made all the correct decisions in life, but I learned from every mistake. I also learned from every surprise. For a long time, I never felt completely comfortable with my life. I over-compensated my dissatisfaction in numerous ways, but, finally, I found a peace in my heart and soul that has washed away years of yearning, years of worry, and years of unhappiness. May you also find that peace.

I hope that you aren't afraid to make mistakes in your life. I wish for you to pursue whatever it is that makes you happy. Don't rush to judge anyone just because they do not fit into your way of thinking. However, don't be afraid to have an opinion and stand by it when challenged. By the same token, if you encounter another point of view that makes more sense to you, have the courage to adapt.

Never settle for anything or anyone. There is always something and someone better for you if you are not happy. Laugh. Laugh loud and laugh long. Nothing makes a soul feel better than a good laugh. It is hard to be angry when you are laughing from your toes on up. You will be taught a lot of things in your life, but never feel that all you need to be taught comes from school. Go out and learn! After you learn, do the noble thing and teach. Teach to those who look to you for guidance. Teach your children, teach each other, and teach yourselves. Knowledge is power. Never forget that.

Never let anyone else tell you if you are successful or not. If you are truly happy, at your core, you are successful. Do not worry about what you do not have - instead, rejoice in what you do have. Where you live does not matter. How much you make does not matter. What car you drive, the job you have or the stuff you accumulate - none of these matter. If you are in a relationship or not, it does not matter. If you have children or not, it does not matter. Do not live your life by the expectations of others. I do not have expectations of you - only hopes FOR you.

Whatever you choose to do, do it well. I'm not talking about the results. I'm talking about the effort. Don't do anything you don't want to do, except listen to your mother and your teachers. Believe it or not, your elders WERE your age at one time. Teenage angst is not a modern invention. I went through it, too. Adults aren't out to get you. No one is out to get you. Sure, I was unhappy when I was a teenager, too, as were most teenagers. You have every right to rebel, but rebel in a way that is going to be productive. Trust me, it passes.

May you be happy with your lot in life. Each day, do something positive. Say ‘hello’ to someone you don't know, especially children and your elders. It makes them feel valued and can brighten your entire day. It will be easy to awake one day and think your entire life is in shambles. It’s not. Many good things happen to you every day, so don't just focus on the negatives. Somebody loves you. Start with that.

Don't run FROM anything. Instead, run TOWARDS something. Getting away from trouble solves nothing, for it will always be there. If it’s too big for you to handle, have the courage to lean on a loved one if they offer their support. Asking for help is a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness.

When people are talking, do them and yourself a favor by listening to what they are saying. You may not always agree with them, but you at least open yourself up to another point of view besides your own.

Don't try to make everyone happy. You cannot. Make yourself happy instead. Remember: you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. Those who cannot appreciate that you have to make yourself happy first are not true friends. You will be asked to do things socially that you will want to do and will not want to do. Don't do the things you do not want to do. People who really matter will respect you, but, more so, you will respect yourself. Sex is NOT love, no matter what your friends or significant other says.

Question everything that does not make sense to you. Please exercise your right to vote. One person CAN make a difference. Chances are that your first impression is the right impression, but leave yourself some room to change your mind.

You will be marketed by companies trying to sell their product to you. If they have to use sex to sell their product, chances are that the product is inferior. This includes television, movies, music, and clothing. Don't let marketers tell you that you aren't hip, sexy or cool if you don't buy their product or watch or listen to their programs.

Read. Read voraciously. Improve your memory. Have a hobby no matter how uncool it may appear to others. People like you the way you are. Don't let anyone change you. You are here for one reason, and one reason only: to make this world that much better for having you in it. Be a good person, above all. Remember that a polite word can disarm a potential argument. Compliments are just as easy to give as criticism, so give them freely and sincerely. One kind word can make another person’s day and lift your spirits as well.

Take an opportunity to write down your thoughts. What you do with those thoughts is up to you. As I once read, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. You are going to make mistakes. Learn from them. You are going to get your heart broken. It is inevitable. The pain will pass into a pleasant memory. You will have days where nothing seems to go right. Congratulations, you are human. You may sit and evaluate your life and think you are a failure. You are not. Just don't give up. Please never give up. Someone, somewhere, is thinking pleasant thoughts about you at this very moment.

If you choose to follow a religion, do it because it makes sense to you and not because it was the only one you know. Sometimes, things that appear too good to be true ARE true. Take time in your day to daydream. Think, wonder, imagine, fantasize, or just clear your head of thought and relax. The Earth will still spin if you sleep late on the weekend.

A day without learning is a day wasted. Learn more about other cultures and customs, and be respectful of them. Gossip is poison - avoid it at all costs. Some things are none of your business. ALL things are rumor until they are fact. Don't worry what others think about you. If you know the truth and are happy, that is all that matters. Those who try to undermine you are jealous of you, no matter what they say.

Be in touch with your feelings and emotions. Feelings are never wrong; they just may be misunderstood. You are entering into a world that is much more technologically advanced than the one I grew up in. You have more choices than I ever had, and your children will have more choices than you. With computers, the Internet, and who knows what else at your fingertips, take some time to learn how to write cursive, play outside, use your imagination and read. Don't let technology take the place of the joys of being human. Never forget what a wonderful human being you are.

Remember this: I never had all the answers. No one does. But, I do have one wish I would like to share with you now.

I wish that you may never have to read this. This is my legacy to you.